Duo Loses to the Vaccuum cleaner.
by Dark Neko Shinigami
Summary: Just something stupid I wrote trying to pass it off as humour. Rated for Language, review onegai!! ^_^ Rating is prolly too harsh, but I want to be on the safe side.


(I don't own Gundam wing or anything else in this fic.)  
  
Duo loses to the vaccuum cleaner.  
  
  
"Darnit.. I can't find the plug in, Heero!" Duo called out in a rather iritated tone of voice as the Japanese pilot began to step though the front door.  
  
"Try opening your eyes and looking for one." Came the retort as Heero slipped from the door and into the night. His Mission. Grocery shopping.  
  
"Damnit.. Wufei toddles off to go do whatever.. Quatre and Trowa take off to do who knows what, Heero goes shopping and I'm stuck cleaning this dump.. they can kiss my ass." He grumbled, leaning over to plug in the cleaning implament.  
  
A loud roaring noise, much akin to that of a small jet plane, errupted from the upright device, causing the braided wonder to spin around in a rush, his eyes large as he pinned the machine with a wary glare.  
  
"Son of a bitch.. " He muttered, stepping to the vaccuum and searching for the off switch.  
  
He needed his concentration if he was to vaccuum and he couldn't think with all of the noise that it was putting out.  
  
"Alright.. Alright.. off switch.. off switch.. Where the hell is the off switch!?" He yelled in anger, circling the machine as if it was an idle to be feared and worshipped. Scratching his head, he began to apply his foot to various button like features at the bottom, only to be rewarded with the tall back of it laying flat on the ground.  
  
"Ah, shit." Lifting it back up, he tried to toggle little button like objects around the top of the plastic that contained the bag. The machine began to grow louder.  
  
"That's not good."  
  
Rubbing the bridge of his nose, he flipped the same said switch, soon rewarded with a duller sound of the roar.  
  
"About damn time." Duo muttered as he found the appropriate off switch, flipping it quickly. "Now.. Time to vaccuum." He slid his gaze about the floor, noting with distress that it was littered with tennis shoes, socks, magazines, papers, candy wrappers, and dead food. He turned to look at the vaccuum and noted the hose attachment.  
  
"Oh yeah, baby. If I gotta work, I'm gonna at least make sure it's fun." *Grinning madly, he flipped said machine back on, and it roared into life. Grimacing at the brash noise, he popped the nozzle of the hose from the body of the cleaner and tested it by putting his hand to it.   
  
The end of the hose stuck tight, producing a sqeaky, squealy sucking sound, causing Duo to giggle madly. "Ha ha ha ha! Bet I could such an elephant into this thing!"   
  
Spotting his first victim, a pile of potatoe chips that lay by the couch, Duo pounced, sucking them up quickly, the hose bucking lightly as the debris traveled up it.  
  
Odd clacks and rattles occured as he allowed the hose to wander under the couch, but he didn't have much attention on that, but watched as the vaccuum began to self propel closer to him. Looking at the hose, he noted that there was plenty of slack, therefore, there should be no reason in hell that the thing should be moving.  
  
But it was.  
  
"The hell?" He muttered, rising, hose forgotten in his hand as the vaccuum bumped into his foot.  
  
"Bah." Putting the hose attachment back, he began to push the vaccuum back and foth over the rug, the familar 'Whoosh whoosh' now taking on a more deadly tone as objects were sucked up within.  
  
Large, amythist eyes widened as a sock disappeared within the dark, neatherwordly depths of the cleaner, then he shrugged. "I'm not the damn live in maid. They don't want their shit gone, they should clean it up themselves."  
  
Watching with almost insane like glee as he vaccuumed the carpet, he was amazed at the objects that met their fate within the greedy suctioning machine.  
  
Wadded up paper, shoestrings that were still attatched to shoes, somebodies art chalk that had been carelessly abandoned in the floor, toothpics, softdrink straws and or poptops, loose change, though he put the silver change in his pockets, ticket stubs from where they went to the movies the other night soon fell victim to their death.  
  
He was suddenly pulled from his daydreams as the vaccuum errupted into a racous, spinechilling deathrattle. Looking down at his hand, he noted that the handle vibrated with an urgency.  
  
"Shit.. what now?" Duo muttered, flipping the switch and grimacing as the machine shuddered and groaned into quiet. His eyes widened as he watched a small tendril of smoke curl lazily from the bottom, where the engine lay.  
  
"Oh hell.. I killed it!"  
  
Grabbing it by the handle and dragging it bouncing and skidding behind him, he flopped it on the kitchen floor, turning it over quickly to assess the engine, which still smoldered lightly.   
  
"Phillips head, phillips head, phillips head." Duo muttered, digging through a draw, pawing through the cluttered items in his search for the tool.  
  
"Aha!" He held it up in triumph, then bent over the vaccuum, locating the screws and slowly undoing them.  
  
"Wait.. this screw is here, but.. the wheels are over the last one.. and it whole damn bottom comes off, what the fuck!?" Duo bitched to the machine, pocking and proding at it in slight confusion. He may be able to disassemble a Gundam, but he was floored with the ridiculous construction of a simple vaccuum cleaner.  
  
"Who the hell put this bastard together? Why can't they make things simple." Continuing to grumble deeply, he jammed the screwdriver into the bottom again, prying it up in jerking motions in an attempt to remove the outer covering.  
  
"Wait.. I need something else to use as a lever." Reaching over, he pulled open another drawer, withdrawing a butter knife and jamming it down into the machine.  
  
"Uh oh.. Knife's stuck." Duo muttered softly, reaching back into the drawer and pulling out another knife, trying to once again get the outer covering of the vaccuum off.  
  
~~~  
  
Groaning lightly, Duo once again activated the vaccuum. It had taken him just under an hour to figure out how to get the undercarriage off, the fire, which had started by a fresh rush of oxygen, extinguished and a new belt put on.  
  
"Where the hell is everybody, they should be back by now." He murmured, once again coaxing the machine back into life. Pulling the hose attachment back out, as he assumed that that would be the least dangerous way to continue his cleaning, he lifted it up to a corner to assualt the cobwebs.  
  
~~~  
  
"Damnit.. one of these days I'm gonna pay attention to what I'm doing." He grunted as he tried to seperate the curtains from the hose attachment. "Man, what kind of pressure does this thing have anyway?"  
  
Duo closed his eyes as a ripping sound occured then frowned as the strip of curtain that had been torn free disappeared forever from the light of day.  
  
"Well.. that was interesting."   
  
Sighing softly, he gazed about the now clean house, noting that it had taken an hour and a half just to use the vaccuum.  
  
Picking it up by the handle, he carried it out to the driveway, setting it down and drawing his gun.  
  
Heero's eyes widened lightly as he pulled up, only to see Maxwell pumping round after well aimed round into the elderly vaccuum cleaner.  
  
"One of these days, his temper is going to catch up with him." He murmured, stepping out from the car, taking the bags in with him.  
  
"Maxwell. Did you remember to vaccuum out under the couch cushions?"   
  
Heero frowned as the muzzle of the gun was pointed at his face.   
  
"Don't start Yuy. I'm having a bad day."  
  
"Right... carry on." Heero frowned, turning and disappearing into the house.  
  
AN: Well, that sucked, *No pun intended* but I had to write it, as I had my own bad experiance with my vaccuum just moments before I wrote this. In fact.. I broke two vaccuums within an hour of each other. Call it talent. Sorry this fic sucked. *Again, no pun intened.. *Giggles* or, what the heck.* Gomen! ^^ 


End file.
